This online memorial was created in loving memory of my son Ralph Caines. Sadly as of October 2011 we lost Ralph's brother Perry William and so this memorial is now for them both. Please sign the guest book so that we know you came to visit. We will love and miss them forever
MY SONS--I will always be your Mother, and you will always be my sons.
Ralph A. Cains Jr.
April 12, 1966-September 20, 1996
Ralphie, My Precious Son
Ralphie was the fourth of five children and he was much loved, and much wanted, as all of my precious children were. Though, from day one, I knew Ralphie was different. Every child is their own person but Ralphie was unique in his own way. All my children seemed to take after their dad's side in looks and personalities, but not Ralphie. He was my side thru and thru - looks and mannorisims. He always referred to himself as being Italian. It made me feel good. The only thing he got from his dad was his stubborness and his name. Old Ralph (or dad), did not want a JR. and we were sure we were having a girl so, we had no name picked out. We were on our way home from the hospital before his father knew what his name was.
Ralphie started out at 9 1/2 lbs. of joy and grew into a wonderful boy. He was a loner in the sense that he liked his space when in the house. Outside he had many friends in little league, biddy basketball, and his favorite - football from midget to high school. He was fun loving and had a heart of gold. I knew my son 99% but the 1% I didn 't know, is what killed him. In high school he began to change. He started drinking which I know all the kids tried but with Ralphie it seemed to be in excess. He enlisted in the Navy and I thought he was turning around. I was so proud the first time I saw him in that Navy uniform.
When he came home it seemed it was party time and the drinking began once again. We had many fights - crying, begging, tough love and all, but in the end he continued to drink and I continued to love my son.
Ralphie tried rehab and I know he wanted it to work but the wrong friends and romances falling apart did not help . He held a good job working every day. He was a volunteer fireman and enjoyed bowling, dart league, golf, billard league and coached midget football. Ralphie lived his life to the fullest. He fell in love too often and his drinking, I feel, ruined many. His failed marriage only added to his personal stuggles and the loss of his child hurt him deeply. He wanted so to be a Father. His last relationship did not help - she drank as much as he did and so fights occured quite often. What really happneed in the end no one will ever know. All I know is my child, my son is gone. He left a hole in my heart that will never heal, and from time to time, it opens wider and hurts more. The love I have held back from my beautiful surviving children is the worst. I love them so but live in fear of losing another child. You do no have children to bury them, they should bury you. I have lost much with the loss of my son - family and friends but my theory is:
IF I CAN LIVE WITHOUT MY RALPHIE, I CAN LIVE WITHOUT THEM!
My son died by suicide, an illness, not a plague. To have people he loved, pretend as if he never lived, is beyond my comprehension. HE WAS MY CHILD! However, life does go on and I have learned to cope. Life does not get better, you do not heal, and you do not get over it - atleast for me it's that way. Life has just become bearable and I have learned to go on. Ralph's Dad and I along with Ralphie's brothers and sisters live on, for we are a loving family and we know Ralphie and Our God watches over us.
I know the devestation left behind was never intended for us. My son was trying to escape his pain and his demons. My faith has held me together although I have struggled many times with being angry with GOD. On my dying day, when I meet my Master, my first words will be...WHY? I prayed so hard for Ralphie and was this his answer, to take my son away? I want to know. Does suicide go with mental illness, bipolar, chemical imbalance, or impulse. We do not know and people don't seem to want to know. I write this with the hope that if this helps just one person, my story is worth telling. Alcohol was part of Ralphie's demise but, was it in the genes? All this must be looked at and thought of, and yes, spoken of out loud...You have to learn to talk and share your feelings and fears. Society will not let you. Peers will not let you. This is so sad.
Suicide is not the wayt! Suicide is not the way!
Ralphie, my son, you are missed so and loved so. My only hope is that you have found the peace you sought here on Earth. I look forward to the day when I will see you again. You will always be My Son and I will always be your Mother